Something About Rockstars and Motherfuckers

"Those motherfuckers didn't last too long, uh, uh. I'm sick of hearing about the haves and the have note's."
–Nine Inch Nails, Capital G

Pepe Smith

Remember those college days when forming a band was the coolest thing? To actually perform to an audience of even 2 was worth it despite having been the last performance of the night at 2am in the morning (and you know deep down the only reason your "audience" remained was because they were begged and liquor bribed by the staff) and being paid in beer was considered an acceptable currency? And half of that entire experience is probably a blur because that time was cheap booze time (on and off stage) and that was very, very important. You were a "rockstar" and god in your own head. You refused to play covers and the originals you came up were something so… so… well, original. You barely had any money for real food or getting to your classes (late) but. It. Was. So. Worth. It.

Then you graduate. You're still attempting to continue the "lifestyle". And then your bandmates fade from the scene, you realize money is actually important and very much needed, you throw away old clothes because the other night you were looking through old facebook pictures and noticed you actually looked like shit in that homemade shirt you purposefully tore and re-stitched.

No wonder everyone thought you were a lesbian. A sloppy one for that matter. Refusing to wear a bra did not help.You get older and the kids get younger.

It's always so hard to imagine that day coming when you're still studying. Thinking you would be part of that change from the old to the new. And all of a sudden you see the new but you're not part of it.

Ok. So every single generation has been there. And this cycle will go on forever. But this generation name thing we go through brings me to a small stump. Before me was generation X (other generations before that I don't know what to call them, but they're THERE).

I'm generation... Y? Z? ??

Sanya and Dad.

Music plays a huge role between generation gaps. Along with music brings fashion and lifestyle. I was a late bloomer when it came to music influences. As a kid I was listening to (thanks mom and dad) the Carpenters, Elton John, Wham, Hot Chocolate, ELO, Roy Orbison, Fleetwood Mac, Bob Marley and the Beatles. 1991 introduced me to one of the most beautiful things in my 7 years of living: Cable TV... which led me to watching only 2 channels: Star TV and MTV (cartoon network did not exist). I was a 1st grader with a slightly indian accent head banging to RHCP's "Give It Away" and fantasizing about living in the video of Meatloaf's "I Would Do Anything for Love". Sadly I was too young to understand shows such as Headbanger's Ball. But the VJ's were the most beautiful creatures I had ever seen on this earth and the backgrounds were magic (I wanted to live in the studio). Grade 4 brought in the pop phase (forgive me) of the Spice Girls, Backstreet Boys, Britney Spears, N'Sync, Alanis Morissette (huh?) Solid Harmony, Code Red and other colorfully named bands. I thank my girlfriends and american teen magazines which at the time were considered girl's bible and must-have accessory. Each week I received my allowance the most important thing on the list was to buy a tape. In the end I had enough tapes to fill up at least 3 shoeboxes.

Teen years brought RnB, rap (NOT hip hop), house and trance music. I never understood them but apparently it was cool so I went with it ("I'm blue daboodeedaboodah!"). Then I started flunking my classes so I was banned from going out and along with that I abandoned my platform slippers, beads, tube tops and black skirts and found two albums which would forever change my direction of music: Moby (Play) and… Vertical Horizon. It was only many years later I discovered they were actually a christian band (I had no idea). This opened the gates to what the mid 90's liked to call "Alternative" music. I stopped when "emo" took over the airwaves. Reaching my 20s I started getting a little confused with where my musical tastes were turning. I didn't like emo and metal music wasn't completely my thing. Then there was "indie". That even got a bit hazy after awhile. Then new bands were going everywhere with their musical direction and I was like, huh?

A few years ago I decided it was time for me to take a step back (while still trying to hold on to my favorite flannel shirt and oversized doc martens). Where was I to go now? 30 seconds to Mars made me depressed, Coheed and Cambria just didn't cut it for me, Deathcab for Cutie was great but made me think too much, Puscifer was an amazing album but didn't seem complete. And so I did what I had to do. Get over myself and go backwards. I'm still doing it and I've never gone back. I know of nothing about today's new music and bands. I know there are some great talents out there but I've never bothered attempting to get into them.

What happened to the music that defined a generation? That brought meaning to that youth rebellion and brought people together? For whatever cause or troubles?

Music now seems to be a haze. The youth seem to hang about trying so hard to fight for something that they don't even know. Everything now seems to come in quick fads and the ones who have seen a glimpse of generations before only form cliques that seem more like after school clubs attempting to keep something alive that is no longer there.

Everything is considered under the genre of rock music. But the truth is the lines are too blurred through the over dissection and over analyzation of all these genres which through the years have intertwined and drowned in each other into a very complicated puzzle.

Music is forgetting its roots. To become a rockstar now is too easy. Excuses have become an accepted meaning when it was meaning that made and defined music.

So, going back to my main question. What's my generation again?

Juan and Karl.

★ Photos taken with MY FM2n. Film processed at home. Attempted to print film in photo shop but that failed. Thank you cheap ass scanner and iPad.
The best of both worlds.